Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Day 65 - Can you make new BFs when you're getting on a bit?

......I'm not sure.   Haven't you got your best friends sorted by your forties? (even by your thirties?)  The ones you've ridden the roller coaster with through the sunshine and the rain and they're STILL sitting in your carriage.  

It's on my mind because I recently met a great mum who lives nearby - and it started me thinking, wouldn't it be nice?  In my head we're already planning a family holiday over coffee and homemade cinnamon scones.....
Or does that sound a bit creepy?

Maybe I'm just spending too much time on my own.

Away from my imaginings, does anyone at my stage of life really have the time or inclination to make a new BF?  And I'm not talking about someone you get along with and see once in a while, I mean a really strong new friendship?  

We've been here on and off for 8 years and I'll happily chat to anyone and everyone, especially at the moment as I'm starved of adult conversation.  But only to a point.  Jumping in with both feet has never been my style. What if you get it wrong?  You might have just locked the door and thrown away the key.

Living on an army camp teaches you to be a little wary - one ill-judged, hastily arranged 'coffee at my place?' and you can be stuck in a bubble of togetherness for two years.

Maybe I'm not new bestie material? - a thought that did cross my mind recently, after a rare attempt to up the friendly stakes with one mum backfired.  She was very, very, very busy.... 

Or maybe I've just been lazy.  You can relax with your old friends - you have History and it's comfortable.  Forging a new friendship requires a serious amount of spade work.  Constantly staying in touch, dates in the diary - keeping it regular.  Sounds exhausting!  Then it can all be swimming along nicely when, WHAM!! - out of the blue something's said that totally takes you by surprise - and not in a good way.  Once you're on your guard it's going to be hard to be yourself isn't it?  Where is the fun in that? 

So why bother at all - surely it's fraught with problems any way you look at it. 

Or is it still worth a shot?

Does old always trump new??


  1. I think its harder to make friends as we get older cause we dont have the time we had in our teens and twenties to go out at the drop of hat to have some fun...being a mum means theres so little time to make the extra effort to met new people, find common ground and build on that! hard work....but on the other hand I think fate has alot to do with who we meet in life, our paths cross when we need them to and if you find there company nice and easy, thats hopefully going to be a good friend......good friendships shouldnt be to much hard work....xx

    1. I agree - time is a big issue when kids come along! Sometimes it's hard enough to keep up with old friends, let alone make new ones. I think what you say about fate is interesting - people come into your life for all sorts of reasons - moving home, school, work, holidays....and if you click, then making an effort should be easy, because you want to do it. But if a friendship does become hard work (and that can happen with old ones too) then I suppose we have to learn to let go too. x

  2. Hi, this is a very honest post. Maybe there is another way of looking at it? Don't think that this person is necessarily going to your new BFF, but just someone fun and nice to hang out with. Enjoy the process and spending time together, don't think about what the end result might or might not be.
    And no age has nothing to do with it, I hope to still meet friends up until I pop my clogs!

    1. Thanks Rach, you are right - sometimes I think I stop myself from just 'going with the flow'. I do still think though, as I get older I've less desire to form really close new friendships that would rival my old ones. Don't get me wrong, I love getting to know new people and like you hope that never stops. But as time goes by my old friends have become more and more important to me. I suppose I can't imagine a new friendship topping that. Still my mind is not closed! My post reflects the more extreme end of how I feel - and I will do my best to make the most of whatever happens!

  3. I could have wrote this post !
    I moved away from my home town 16 years ago now and still haven't made a new best friend :-(

    I do think I'm partly to blame, I'm very cautious/picky when it comes to friends. I like having my own time and I like the idea of a new best friend but not the kind that might want to live in my pocket or want more of my time than I want to give. Although someone to meet for lunch or have the occasional shop with, or an evening glass of wine with would be fab. Makes me sound very selfish lol. I have some fantastic friends that live 400 miles away. When I go home to see them it's like not a day has passed since I left, it's lovely.

    Whenever I find myself thinking I really should try harder to make more friends down here I always end up thinking it's quite a lot of effort, on top of looking after the kids and so I don't bother ! I'm my own worst enemy, thank fully I have made some lovely online friends that often keep me going when I feel a bit down :-)

    P.s for some reason my blog roll link hadn't worked the other day but I've got it working again now and have you on it :-)

  4. I can relate to a lot of things you say. I've met lovely people here, but something seems to stop me stepping it up a gear!
    Your old BFs are pretty far away - several of mine are closer - a bit of a drive but not bad. Maybe I have using this as an excuse?
    I think I like having my own time too, but with my OH away it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to try a little harder. Could do with a bit more grown up chat sometimes! x