Monday, 1 December 2014

Distracted

I used to have a good memory; I'm pretty sure I did - I could juggle all kinds of work, kids and admin stuff and still pick up a few bonus points remembering more left field things, like my husband's God childrens' birthdays.
But lately it's all been slipping: I've missed appointments, birthdays, play dates; the printer's had no ink in it for weeks and I can't for the life of me remember where I put the Sealife tickets I bought with my Tesco vouchers.
It's that, walking into a room and forgetting what you came in for scenario. I'm so easily distracted these days - a new thought pops into my head and the minute it does, an older one just pops right out the other side. It would appear I've run out of head room.


The problem is I have no back up plan - no handy, organised list system - just several tatty, scribbled pieces of paper that roam around the kitchen until they're lost under a pile of Christmas catalogues. And of course a Tintin wall calendar.
Quite clearly not good enough anymore. Time really to find a better way, and whether I like it or not, some kind of electronic help is probably the answer. Well, that's what people keep telling me.


Anyway, all this got me thinking about what's so different now than before, when I could actually remember stuff. And there are some glaringly obvious things:



1. I've stopped pretending that spending hours in the car doing the school run 5 days a week has no real impact on my life. I'm not going to moan, it was our choice to move the kids, but as the term goes on, it does grind me down. Most of the route is along narrow, windy country roads - quite beautiful in the spring/summer, but the other night the fog was so thick I couldn't see the sides of the road. And I hate admitting this, but I'm becoming an anxious driver - never used to be - now I see danger around every corner. Usually in the form of some monster-sized tractor clattering towards me at full tilt. Anyway, I do try to make good use of my time in the car/hanging about in school car parks, but it still takes a huge chunk out of the day.

2. Because of all of that, I get up at 6am. Always an early start - yet I just don't seem to be able to make myself go to bed before 11.30pm. I know it's mad, but I'd nearly rather be knackered than lose those precious hours of quiet; click-clacking away with my knitting, watching rubbish tv. The kids aren't upstairs till about nine now - I have friends who would be in bed half an hour later, but the thought of doing that makes me want to weep.
A while ago I watched a programme about sleep disorders, and as well as all the usual ones you'd think of, there was this mum who wouldn't go to bed - at about 11pm she'd be pulling out all kinds of craft stuff, or doing some baking. Don't think I'll ever get to the stage when I'm baking fairy cakes at 2am in the morning, but it did make me wonder.

3. I have a new job - it's only temporary but pretty intense, and appears to have pushed most other stuff out of my head.

4. Who said kids get easier as they get older? I'm sure somebody did, but that's definitely not what I'm finding. 'Challenging' would be a good word, and as I'm the only one here with them during the week, it's pretty blinking challenging… More strops, more shouting, more mess, more arguments, more flipping homework. More social stuff too, like parties and clubs - so even more time in the car! We live in the country. Nothing is close.

5. I've signed up for a few Craft Fairs, but haven't really given myself time to make any more stock. So I'm now in a weird position of not wanting to sell too much stuff... which is sort of missing the point.

I need a 'get organised' App; I need to be kinder to myself - nothing new there, for any of us I'd imagine. But I've had a few moments recently that have made me want to do something about it.
The other morning my daughter stomped down the stairs in a right old mood,
'Why has the Tooth Fairy left me 50c Mummy, instead of normal money?'
A moment of panic: How had I managed to miss that? Okay it was late, but I'd never normally miss something like that. I hadn't even thought to check.
I fobbed her off with some story about the Tooth Fairy getting confused...

Don't think she bought it.

On the bright side, at least the Tooth Fairy remembered to come at all! Though there have been times when she hasn't…
She can get a bit distracted too.


14 comments:

  1. Don't beat yourself up Tracey, I can totally relate to forgetting stuff and being disorganized and I don't even have any kids!

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    1. Know it's a common complaint, but I've got so much worse! x

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  2. Tracey - me too. I used to have this huge capacity to remember things and now, well I think my brain operates a one in one out policy, and it's bombarded with so much these days that nothing ever sticks. New job?? sounds intriguing, temporary or not. And I agree with you about things just getting trickier as the kids get older - mine are knocking around till 8/9 ish and I too can't face going to bed just after them, and the problems are more complex - 'real' emotional issues... Phew. Hope you get a bit of a break over Christmas?

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    1. should do, no trip to NI this year, which takes the pressure off….Agree it's the more emotional stuff that's so draining, and also find I'm often left reeling from a whirlwind of fury, while child at the centre of the storm quite often trots back in as if nothing's happened! Though did get the most gorgeous letter from the eldest for my Birthday last week - close to tears I was! x

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  3. I swear that as we get older our brains just get fuller, so there's less space for remembering more things. That's my story, anyway, and I'm sticking to it. Completely sympathise over the driving - until we moved out of the countryside and to the edge of town back in January, I hadn't actually realised how much I hated the amount of time I spent in the car on single lane roads dodging grumpy farmers, and how stressful it was. Not to mention the added bonus of the amount of money we save on fuel since moving!!

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    1. that's so true, costs a fortune! We've sort of done it the other way round….the kids' old school is 2 miles away, and I was always running late! Now I'm never late, but easily spend 3 hours in the car every day. We're not close to any petrol stations either, so I've had a few anxious journeys with the warning light on, praying we've got enough fuel to get us to school! Stressful first thing in the morning!

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  4. I know the feeling;since we retired we wonder how we ever had time to go to work!

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    1. Whatever you're up to just seems to expand to fill the day doesn't it…though do think, once a busy person, always a busy person :)

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  5. And me too... This time of year doesn't help does it? I have a long journey in the car each day, halved by the fact that I am currently now working at my children's school, but it used to be 2 hours a day. I used to spend time listening to Deutsche learning CD's, well at least that was the intention! :D I also hate going to bed super early, but I probably should. Nice to see you "back" anyway, I was worried! :D xx

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    1. Thanks Emma, still here, but something had to give! So thought I'd step back for a bit. Really have that end of term feeling now, struggling to get everyone in the car in the morning. Language CD's are a great idea, did start listening to some French ones, must do that again! Sew or knit while I'm waiting for the kids, though getting too dark. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment, hope the job is going well xx

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  6. My head's all a fuzz right now too - I simply can't think straight and I'm forgetting things all over the place. I think Emma (BS) above has nailed it; this time of year - which is very busy anyway - doesn't help. If you can - maybe a few earlier nights will probably help too but don't beat yourself up lovely! Maybe stop the blogging until the New Year now? Give yourself a good rest and try to keep life as simple as you can. Big hugs. X

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    1. Thanks lovely one, always moments of angst when I post something grumpy, but also feels goodish to get all those frustrations out…strangely, writing them down seems to have brought a bit of clarity! Think I'm going to try to do a craft fair update, but that'll probably be it, and we'll see what the new year brings :) Big hugs back x

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  7. I so relate to this. We don't live in the country (though I sometimes wish), but yes on the forgetting and the feeling like you're losing a bit of control, and the staying up too late just to get some downtime and alone time in. As my kids get older they are also going to bed later, so my evenings alone are much shorter. I find that you can be very organised and efficient for awhile, and then it's like your mind and body just sort of slow down from the effort and it all goes a little bit wonky for awhile. I think it's our minds and bodies trying to return us to a natural state. It's not natural to be super organised and on the go all the time.

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    1. think you're right, wonky is definitely how it went for me! Limped along to the Christmas holidays. Quite a struggle. Much better now though, a few lessons learnt too. Whether I pay any attention to them is another thing!

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