Like that's going to happen.
It's competition time again; the St David's Day Eisteddfod - a Festival of music, poetry, baking and model making, held in schools across Wales. Absolutely guaranteed to bring out a steely competitive edge in many a parent.
Even ones you least suspect.
Is that me? Probably. I'm really not inclined to be competitive about most stuff, but give me a craft challenge and I'm suddenly possessed by a Blue Peter-like zeal to produce something simply glorious. Just can't stop myself.
We all tend to do more than we should, don't we? Frankly I think anyone who insists they haven't helped their child with his or her cardboard creation is a big fibber. And I'm putting my hand up here, because I've taken 'helping' to the nth degree.
Now, you know how much I like making things out of rubbish - and at home I'll quite happily let the kids get on with creating whatever they fancy: no interfering…but when it's school bound, that's a game changer. As much as I'd like to be relaxed about it, I just can't let them take in any old tat.
So this happens.
It was my son's idea to make a model of the Statue of Liberty…and that's about all he did, bless him. Basically I got completely carried away. Out came the empty yogurt and marg pots and the tin foil, and then I thought, what about some papier mache? Honestly I had the best time.
Our model didn't even get placed.
It so obviously wasn't made by a 7 year old. I was far too embarrassed to say a thing.
Did I learn my lesson? Don't be mad. What I learnt was to tone it down a bit.
Fast forward to this year's competition, and my 9 year old had to make a Dragon. Attached to the letter about the Festival categories was a slip all parents had to sign, declaring no help had been given beyond a little guidance.
New school, new rules. Suddenly it all seemed terribly official, which presented a bit of a dilemma, seeing as on the whole I'm quite law-abiding. It's different somehow when you actually have to sign something.
So, to get round feeling like a complete fraud and a cheat, who's bound to get caught and hauled before the Headmistress, I made another dragon alongside my son for him to copy - not saying there wasn't the odd helpful snip here and there, but, on the whole it was his own work.
I really needn't have worried, because on the way into school today I saw one mum carrying a beautiful clay dragon. I'm quite sure it had been glazed and fired. And my son told me his best friend's dragon had legs that moved and a CAVE.
Think I'm going to have to up my game again…
(By the way, if anyone's interested in instructions for an egg box dragon, just let me know!)