Friday, 18 November 2011


Only three days left until T goes - can't believe it's come around so quickly.  It took such a long time to get used to him being at home - and now we've got the hang of it he's off...! 

Years of commuting has made it hard for him to get any stretch of time with the kids - now he is fully up to speed with the whirlwind that enters the house after school, homework, piano practice, playtime politics AND getting them into bed without shouting! 

The fact is this chunk of time at home, as lovely as it's been, will probably make it that much harder for all of us when he goes on monday.

I don't know how I feel really, I have tried hard not to think about it too much because there's nothing I can do - so I've tried not to dwell on it, not to think too far ahead.  I know I'll be fine because I've done it before.  I also know it will take a few weeks of ups and downs before I feel strong.  And I need to do this first bit on my own, which shouldn't be a problem as we chose to live in a beautiful, remote part of the country which is no where near any of our families!  Friends have been fab though, and I know they'll always help out. 
We also decided against living in an army camp where there would obviously be more support and lots of people in the same boat.  For many wives this helps them cope.  I understand why, but it didn't work for me, I just found it was a constant reminder of where he was and what he was doing - there was no escape, no time out from the talk about Afghanistan and the tension and worry.  It was like living in a bubble.  So hard to focus on anything else. 

Here I bump into people who talk about all manner of other things - life just trundles on.  Twelve months is a long time but it's also an opportunity.  I don't want to wish the year away so I'm determined to have something to show for it - and if that means pushing myself out of my comfort zone then that's what I'll do!

For the last few months I've been in limbo - not wanting T to leave but not being able to focus on anything while he's here.  Now I know it's time for him to go - it has to start so it can end - it has to start so I can get on with it....whatever it might be....

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